First dawn
by Ivan M. GrangerOriginal Language English
First dawn. Even the
birds in the tallest pines are
surprised by the sun.
 | -- from Real Thirst: Poetry of the Spiritual Journey, by Ivan M. Granger |
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/ Image by Evgeni Dinev /
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I have been enjoying the spring mornings here in Eugene, Oregon. Some mornings there is a light rain falling, the world is sleepy and self-enclosed, then on other days we get morning sunshine, everything glistens and awakens to a sense of celebration. Sometimes before we begin work, my wife and I will go to a local coffee shop. I'll get a warm cup of tea. We read and chat, listening to the hum of the community, people talking in hushed tones, the life of our small city recognizing itself. Such moments are nourishing to the soul.
I am especially appreciative of all this because of a few milestones in my life. Last week I had my birthday. I turned 55. The number feels foreign to me. It's as if time stopped when I was 35. I haven't really aged. My hair has just gotten grayer. Can anyone else relate to that feeling?
The other milestone: I was just honored at my work for 30 years of employment. For someone who has moved around the country and, because of health issues, has not always been able to work full time hours in the week, I am amazed -- and grateful -- to have found early on an employer who has been stable and adaptable and accepting. Wherever I've lived and whatever my work rhythms, they were always there, so I never felt the need to move on.
The renewal of springtime and these experiences invite me to reflect back on the year and a half since my wife and I moved back to Eugene. We have had so many wonderful moments returning to our childhood hometown, but the year following our move was also quite challenging. At the beginning of last year my wife was hospitalized and kept in the ICU for several days following a severe asthma attack. As she recovered, we were able to get her on new medication, and the change has been profound. It was a year of difficult finances, requiring me to put as many hours as possible into my day job. At times I felt badly, as if I have been neglecting you, the Poetry Chaikhana community, as a result. I hope to be able to do more with the Poetry Chaikhana in the future.
We never really control the circumstances of our lives. We make plans, formulate expectations, and try to build the daily structures of our lives that will lead to those outcomes -- but then life plays out as it will. That regular, steady, structural process has not been my strongest suit, though I have gotten better at it in those timeless twenty years from 35 to 55. Where I have found strength, however, is in the ability to ride the flow of life, even when the details have gotten messy.
I look outside the window. It's a cloudy morning. The ground is still damp with last night's rainfall. But the birds are cautiously emerging and sharing their song. We have the promise of a beautiful day. That's when our work begins, amidst the requirements of life, to discover for ourselves the beauty waiting for us.
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