Ivan’s Health
Ivan M. Granger April 19th, 2008
About a month ago, I was diagnosed with a metabolic disorder that periodically causes profound fatigue, mild tremors in the arms, sometimes irregular heartbeat. These are symptoms I’ve had on and off throughout my life, but in recent weeks they’ve been so severe that I finally sought a medical diagnosis. Because of the severity of my symptoms recently, I’ve been unable to fully support myself and my family through my day job as a computer programmer. As someone who is self-employed (as well as a spiritual seeker and sometimes poet who doesn’t fit well into societal structures) I have no health insurance to cover my medical expenses or lost wages.
For that reason I am reaching out to you, the Poetry Chaikhana community, for help.
First, let me acknowledge all of you who have already sent contributions to the Poetry Chaikhana. Knowing that no donation is ever required, I am always humbled by and deeply appreciative of every contribution.
I also recognize that I am not the only one with financial challenges, so please don’t ever feel you need to send anything you can’t truly afford. A small amount – from many people – is immensely helpful. Many contributions from many people makes the Poetry Chaikhana a community project, maintained by many helping hands.
If you find inspiration and meaning in the Poetry Chaikhana poems and commentary, and if you can afford to do so, please consider making a donation. You can click one of the donation buttons below to contribute online through PayPal, or you can mail a check or money order to:
Poetry Chaikhana
PO Box 2320
Boulder, CO 80306
The amount is always up to you, and it is not a requirement, just a request.
Of course, I welcome all of your prayers and supportive thoughts. That too is a valuable offering.
Thank you so much.
Ivan
A Blessing for One Who is Exhausted
by John O’Donohue
When the rhythm of the heart becomes hectic,
Time takes on the strain until it breaks;
Then all the unattended stress falls in
On the mind like an endless, increasing weight,
The light in the mind becomes dim.
Things you could take in your stride before
Now become laborsome events of will.
Weariness invades your spirit.
Gravity begins falling inside you,
Dragging down every bone.
The ride you never valued has gone out.
And you are marooned on unsure ground.
Something within you has closed down;
And you cannot push yourself back to life.
You have been forced to enter empty time.
The desire that drove you has relinquished.
There is nothing else to do now but rest
And patiently learn to receive the self
You have forsaken for the race of days.
At first your thinking will darken
And sadness take over like listless weather.
The flow of unwept tears will frighten you.
You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come to take you back.
Take refuge in your senses, open up
To all the small miracles you rushed through.
Become inclined to watch the way of rain
When it falls slow and free.
Imitate the habit of twilight,
Taking time to open the well of color
That fostered the brightness of day.
Draw alongside the silence of stone
Until its calmness can claim you.
Be excessively gentle with yourself.
Stay clear of those vexed in spirit.
Learn to linger around someone of ease
Who feels they have all the time in the world.
Gradually, you will return to yourself,
Having learned a new respect for your heart
And the joy that dwells far within slow time.
— from To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings, by John O’Donohue
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Ivan,
Thank you for turning to us. I think this was not an easy decision for you. I read Donahue’s poem, feeling its full gravity and application. Like him, you speak for us all, our own debilities and efforts to heal, to engage with the community, which will support us.
Dear Ivan,
I have been where you are. Unable to work fully, an artist with no health insurance. I am very grateful today that my husband has a job which includes health insurance as a benefit. I am still very challenged financially so can only make a very small donation. I really like the poetry chaikhana. Thank you very much and blessings on you and your health.
Raven
Dear Ivan,
I agree with Maura that it could not have been easy for you to ask for our help but I am so glad that you have.
More from O’Donohue:
“May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.
Ygeia kai hara (health and happiness),
Joanne
I’m so sorry you have this illness Ivan, and hope you won’t be debilitated for too long. I hope you have support from family and friends. I know how a chronic illness can impact on one’s life, I am on a disability welfare payment myself, can no longer work, and over the years have had huge financial restraints. My donation is necessarily small, but my appreciation of all you do in the Poetry Chaikhana is enormous. You reach so many people with words of inspiration and encouragement, it is so special a thing to find on one’s journey. The Chaikhana is such a spiritual centre,and I feel so glad you have reached towards the community when you need to. You have all my good wishes and kind thoughts,
Marion
Dear Ivan,
All my best wishes for your health. I very much hope there will be a way for you to overcome these problems, and that afterwards you will be a wiser, stronger and even more compassionate person because of it.
My donation is small, I am living on a very basic income because of severe health problems of my own for all my adult life. But I am most gratefull to you for all the inspiring and uplifting emails I received from you over the years and I’ve also told many friends about Poetry Chaikhana.
I am very much looking forward to receive many more of these emails and hopefully you will tell us in one of them that things are going much better with you again.
Warm regards,
Tatiana
Thank you, everyone, for the very kind notes.
And I understand about tight financial circumstances, so please don’t feel awkward about that. A contribution of any amount is a true gift. Yes, money is an issue, but more important to me are your supportive thoughts. So, thank you.
Ivan
Dear Ivan,
Great are the people that can ask for help and really receive. They are rare. You are one of them.
I’ve been thinking of you all week, Ivan, and finally sat down to make a donation. What you give to us all through your mailings is priceless. THANK YOU for being who you are, and doing what you do. With Love, Ingrid