Feb 02 2009

A Brief Hiatus

Published by at 9:00 am under Ivan's Story

It’s been more than six months since I was last hit this hard, but over the weekend I had another intense bout of severe shakes, extreme sensitivity to touch and environment, and a drastic drop in physical energy. Some of the symptoms mirror descriptions of post-traumatic stress disorder described by veterans, though I haven’t been in a war or experienced other traumas recently. Sometimes I just tell people I’m doing my part to diffuse a little of the planetary PTSD.

While I think the most intense phase has passed, I’m pretty drained, and I need to put the Poetry Chaikhana emails and blog on hold for a little while until I’m more fully recovered. I hope you understand. I’ve also had to stop working at my day job for a while, as well, even though it’s caused some difficulty. (I’m blessed to have group of co-workers at my job who have been very supportive and flexible through all of this.)

I want to thank those of you who already heard through Facebook for your many kind-hearted notes.

And thank you also to everyone who has recently sent in a donation to the Poetry Chaikhana. Your support allows me to continue to cover the Poetry Chaikhana’s expenses even when income from my day job becomes uncertain.

My intention, assuming my symptoms continue to subside, is to resume the Poetry Chaikhana emails and posts on Monday, February 9. Not only is there so much amazing poetry eager to have its say, but we have a lot more to discuss in our Lover and Beloved series. Talk to you then.

Many blessings,

49 responses so far

49 Responses to “A Brief Hiatus”

  1. Lois Holubon 02 Feb 2009 at 9:37 am

    Ivan, blessings and rest for your body, blessings and ease to you and your family. For many reasons conscious and unconscious, through young or old lives — some people have bodies (body/minds?) so sensitive to the body of the world, the body of humanity, the elements, the suffering and joys in the very air. I spent years trying to figure out “why this? why now?” for my own off and on symptoms (examined by MDs, touched by healers) and the educated guesses alternated from stress to childhood to virus to diet to …..you know the drill I’m sure. At 55, I am mostly now just grateful to my body for being with me on this journey every breath of the way, since before my earliest memories begin! It is the one thing I know for sure I will not have with me when I pass, and for that I feel a tenderness for this friend of skin and bone and blood.
    Thank you for your work and intentions, Ivan. A very large, global circle of friendship is holding you in its heart. I wonder, is there sacred poetry about wounded healers and feelers? Love and light on this Bridgid’s day — Lois

  2. Stacyon 02 Feb 2009 at 9:38 am

    Holding you in thoughts of healing and peace, dear Ivan. Take good care. For all of your offerings, often or not, I am grateful.

  3. Peggyon 02 Feb 2009 at 9:46 am

    Prayers for speedy recovery, peace and comfort are here for you. Shalom, Namasta,

  4. Jimon 02 Feb 2009 at 10:05 am

    Sorry to hear of your malaise. Everyone will have a suggested remedy, so I will submit mine. Your symptoms raise the suspicion of either an exposure to a toxic environment (faulty room heater, daily used substance, etc), of a virus or intestinal parasite or of a dietary deficiency. Also, Winter months are known to bring about the relatively common SAD (seasonal affective disorder) which requires no treatment other than sunshine, warmth and signs of rebirth come Spring. Failure of spontaneous resolution, of course, indicates the need for a visit to your friendly Internist MD.

  5. fawadon 02 Feb 2009 at 10:33 am


    even your silence
    resonates melodious notes

    the healer is inside you
    laugh in bliss
    hark! the healer responds

    many affectionate regards

  6. Lauraon 02 Feb 2009 at 10:36 am

    I am so sorry to hear that, Ivan. I have a similar problem with episodes of vertigo. Acupuncture is the only thing that helped me. Thank goodness for that.

  7. Trivaon 02 Feb 2009 at 10:45 am

    Dear Ivan:

    Thank you for sharing what is going on with you. I got slammed with something this weekend too. Some flu like thing–Very painful. I was thinking about what you said about the PTSD. And, you may wish to reconsider your role as a ‘diffuser’ for some of the PTSD on the planet! Besides, I think that job was already taken (if you believe Jesus existed). In any case, please take good care of yourself, and although I will miss the poetry, I prefer knowing that you are putting you well-being and health first!
    Blessings of health, clarity and intuition-


  8. Sam Pasiencieron 02 Feb 2009 at 10:47 am

    Wishing you wellness soon. Thanks for the many pleasures you’ve given me with your site.


  9. Helen Robertson 02 Feb 2009 at 10:48 am

    Dear Ivan

    How touching and warm are the notes above. My 11 year old daughter Esther seems to be like you – sensitive to the planetary bio-rhythms. It’s not an easy path, and yet it seems to be a privilege too to have such an open heart. Love and warm pink-gold Light to heal your body-mind spirit of the reverberations – whatever they are, and thank you for somehow agreeing to carry some of this for us all.

    Helen – from an unusually snowy Bury-St Edmunds, in the East of England (UK)!

  10. Simonon 02 Feb 2009 at 11:02 am

    You are in my prayers. Simon.

  11. Ana Holubon 02 Feb 2009 at 11:06 am

    Hi Ivan,

    Although new to your website, I really appreciate what you are offering. Let me know if I can help you with your symptoms. Consider it a donation toward the website. I work with forgiveness and self-forgiveness…this could give you insight into what is going on, support you to release it, and bring you into deeper health and peace.

    Intriguing that you have emails from 2 Holubs! I don’t know Lois…but I guess the doves are flocking around you now, when you call for us (Holub means dove in Czech).

    many blessings,

  12. donnieon 02 Feb 2009 at 11:07 am

    I hope you recover soon Ivan. I’ve been reading some of your poetry on different places on the net. they are just as much an inspiration as your daily poetry of the greats on Chaikhana. you are in my toughts and prayers.
    rest up and heal. you’re an important part of our lives. Donnie

  13. Xin Wu'Kangon 02 Feb 2009 at 11:09 am

    Brother Ivan –

    A note of healing wishes and thanks for your remarkably keen ear for transcendent poetry and abiding messages, and your sharing vocation. Of all the sites I enjoy, taking a quiet cup of reflectance (or three!) in yours has always been my favorite, and I share your share as well as your work with great liberality and abandon.

    I do recall you mentioning your chronic health challenges, and I hope that you are seeking the attention you need – including traditional as well as non-traditional approaches to better diagnosis and treatment. That said, I won’t back-seat navigate any further… except to suggest that daily doses of profound laughter will greatly assist every act of the curative arts.

    I could definitely live with your submissions on a weekly basis, but would greatly miss them if they were to be extinguished entirely – so take care of yourself, man! Hahaha… appropos of a literary allusion about doing too much:

    “No te esfuerces tanto, las mejores cosas suceden cuando menos te las esperas.”

    – Gabriel Garcia Marquez

    Much love to you, my friend, and a speedy return to strength and joy.

    – XWK (845)

  14. roseon 02 Feb 2009 at 11:10 am

    Dear Ivan,

    Thanks for reaching out and for taking care of yourself. Would it be ok with you if I put your name on my email list of ReikiHealers? These are practitioners trained by me who have a commitment to send reiki to all those who ask for it.

  15. Catharineon 02 Feb 2009 at 11:14 am

    Hoping you feel better soon ~
    Blessings to you Ivan for the wonderful work you do!

  16. Ariel Harper Naveon 02 Feb 2009 at 11:17 am

    Ivan, I hold you in all the light I know…rest, rest, rest, and be as joyful as you can be.


  17. vincenton 02 Feb 2009 at 11:17 am

    I hope, it will not take long to recover. I will have you in my prayers. Hare Krishna, Gauranga

  18. Sam /Zahidon 02 Feb 2009 at 11:18 am

    Part of the burden of receptivity to the poetic muses seems to be bound up in strange health risks – ie… Rilke, Nietzsche etc. Take heart in the great company you are in and when you feel up to it all again, continue spreading the good news of the Spirit.

    Rest To Wake Us Up,
    Sam / Zahid

  19. Marti Alstonon 02 Feb 2009 at 12:06 pm

    Dear Ivan,
    I am a new visitor to your blog, thanks to a insightful friend who knew that I would love your contributions to the poetry universe.

    I hope you are feeling better soon. From my own therapeutic experience — I hope you won’t feel I am being a butt-in-ski — I know that EMDR therapy can be very helpful with Post Traumatic Stress issues. I book I found most loving and helpful is the work of Dr. Rachel N. Remen, Kitchen Table Wisdom.

    With healing thoughts,

  20. patriciaon 02 Feb 2009 at 12:31 pm

    Ivan, I’m glad you’re taking time out for healing of body and spirit…You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  21. Lindy Warrellon 02 Feb 2009 at 12:59 pm

    Dear Ivan,
    I am so sorry you are so unwell. When you posted the name of the shakes condition you suffer from, I looked it up on the web and while I didn’t search long or hard, my initial search threw up a page talking about those symptoms accompanying zchizophrenia. I just pass that on for what it’s worth in case you want to look into it further.

    YOn the other hand, you provide such a wonderful gift to the world, and to me, that perhaps you don’t give yourself enough love and attention at times. Take care of yourself.

    With love.

  22. Cait O'Connoron 02 Feb 2009 at 1:32 pm

    Sending very best wishes for a speedy recovery.

  23. Myrna Foleyon 02 Feb 2009 at 2:03 pm

    Ivan, I will miss your daily insights, but more than that your health and wellbeing is our focus. Please do all you can with this in mind. We know your goodwill continues whether on-line or off.

  24. Qahiraon 02 Feb 2009 at 2:36 pm

    Ivan beloved one of God:

    You are in our thoughts and prayers for a return of good and better health.

    We are most grateful for your contribution to ‘light’ on the planet through the poetry site. Allow yourself to rest and receive what you need to from those healing energies that will find their way into your being as required from the Divine through those of us who love you

    Qahira in Calgary Canada

  25. barrieon 02 Feb 2009 at 3:13 pm

    Dear Ivan,
    Thank you for the great gifts you share. I, too, shake as you describe. For me it happens when something is out of balance. And as I go deeper into awareness, My body becomes more and more sensitive to its internal and external environment.
    In love

  26. Bob Hugheson 02 Feb 2009 at 3:16 pm


    wishing you a speedy and complete recovery. Thanks so much for all the work you put into the very inspiring emails – i’m beaming positive thoughts your way

  27. Barbaraon 02 Feb 2009 at 4:23 pm

    Dear Ivan, I will be sending you lots of healing love beams and vibrations that you will soon regain your energy and strength. I do believe that through this “suffering”, whatever, you definitely are helping to heal all creation and humanity. Thank you for your loving ministry to so many and I look forward to your return in February.

    Have you read the book, LOVE IS STRONGER THAN DEATH by Cynthia Bourgeault? I think you would be interested. Blessings!

  28. sarahon 02 Feb 2009 at 4:26 pm

    Dear Ivan- I SO appreciate your efforts made in gifting poetry Chaikhana to the world. Thank you so much for your ministry of sacred verse. My thoughts are with you during this passage and hope you have the support you desire to feel comforted and held. blessigns< Sarah

  29. Christineon 02 Feb 2009 at 4:33 pm

    Dear Ivan, wishing you a restful and healing time, trust your body to take care of itself, did you know that everysomany hours your cells renew?
    Think of all those inspiring poems they will speed up the work on you,

  30. Gary Hunteron 02 Feb 2009 at 4:54 pm

    Ivan – please get well soon – the world thirsts
    for your fingers to unscreen
    what the well
    that all want to drink from
    has to offer….

    love you – Gary-theamberdog

  31. Paulineon 02 Feb 2009 at 7:38 pm

    i wish you a good, thorough rest and recovery. all the best to you.

  32. Monica Don 02 Feb 2009 at 9:01 pm

    Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou.
    You are in my prayers.

  33. Joey Connollyon 02 Feb 2009 at 9:06 pm

    Drink a lot of water , eat fresh fruit and vegetables and take walks in quiet places early in the morning and late at night.
    Try the Vermont folk remedy of apple cider vinegar and honey as a tonic. Take one shot in the morning and one at night. Laugh a lot and stay outdoors as much as possible.

  34. Carter McKenzieon 02 Feb 2009 at 9:24 pm

    Dear Ivan

    I am sorry to hear you are suffering from illness. Please take care of yourself. Thank you for all of the poetry you share, with such generosity.


  35. Arielon 02 Feb 2009 at 10:48 pm

    Poetry Chaikana is like a breath of fresh air that blows away the doldrums of life. There is a dearth of English reading materials here in Saudi Arabia and Poetry Chaikana is very much appreciated.

    Thank you very much and get well soon.

  36. Pauletteon 02 Feb 2009 at 10:51 pm

    Dear Friend,
    May you be restored through healing rest.
    May the One who brings healing guide you
    To the right healers and remedies
    And may you walk in harmony with the Holy One.

  37. jehadon 02 Feb 2009 at 11:05 pm

    Ivan, everyones best friend(even better than a book)
    thank you for sharing this with us. just imagine all the love you send to us..thats how much love we send to you..even a healer needs to be healed..and love takes care of eveything..that’s what healed me and that will heal you too.
    jehad from bahrain

  38. aparnaon 02 Feb 2009 at 11:32 pm

    I can actually feel the love and warmth in the comments above. May you always be surrounded by fulfilling, healing love and light.
    PLEASE take care!!

  39. aparnaon 02 Feb 2009 at 11:33 pm

    I can actually feel the love and warmth in the comments above. May you always be surrounded by fulfilling, healing love and light.

    Do take care and come back soon.
    You are there in our prayers.

  40. Aristideson 03 Feb 2009 at 3:36 am

    It seems God intends to further purify you. Of course I will be praying it will not last long.

  41. mariesimoneon 03 Feb 2009 at 6:59 am

    May you be healed. May you be at peace. May you see the beauty in all things.

  42. Letitia Snydermanon 03 Feb 2009 at 9:49 am

    I’m so very sad to read the news of your sudden diminished health and energy. Dear Ivan please take good care of yourself. Rest. Rest and trust that your mind, body and spirit knows where it needs to go to find healing and peace. I send prayers for a fast renewal of strength and health. I am one among many who whisper the same prayer…love spilling over ~ Letitia

  43. Barbaraon 03 Feb 2009 at 10:22 am

    Wishing you relief from your illness and the strength to keep on keepin’ on!

  44. margareton 03 Feb 2009 at 3:50 pm

    dear ivan,

    take good care of your self. the words, the writings, they will wait for your return. health and dis-ease are so often a mystery anymore, but the world is so topsy turvy so what do we expect? be well, be happy, and thank you for what you do and the light you shine and share with us all.


  45. Steve Gornon 03 Feb 2009 at 8:13 pm

    Dear Ivan

    Take good care of body and soul. I send you
    healing sounds on the bansuri flute

  46. Muhammad Mohsinon 04 Feb 2009 at 2:16 am

    The wali of GOD. Is far from the all the universe include(Humans) to great extent. No bodycannot guess these persons approach.

  47. Margoon 04 Feb 2009 at 6:58 pm

    Peace be with you, friend.
    Blessings, prayers for your recovery.
    Thank you for your work.

  48. John Prettymanon 05 Feb 2009 at 10:31 am

    I’m very sorry to hear of the health problems Ivan…..life is a mystery indeed. A dream I had last night reminded me of you (not sure why):

    I was driving down a road, with cars coming toward me and some behind also….. and my windows began to fog. When I turned on the defogger the windows fogged up completely and left zero visibility….not even enough to safely pull over.

    I wonder if that meant than rather than the action of trying to defog…..nonresistance would be better ?

  49. Franceson 08 Feb 2009 at 10:29 pm

    Edward Bach has written HEAL THYSELF. Here are a few lines from a newspaper article you might appreciate.

    “Disease will never be cured or eradicated by only the present materialistic methods, for the simple reason that disease in its origin is not material….
    Disease is in essence the result of conflict between Soul and Mind, and will never be eradicated except by spiritual and mental effort…..
    No effort directed to the body alone can do more than superficially repair damage, and in this there is no cure, since the cause is still operative and may at any moment again demonstrate its presence in another form…..
    Disease, though, apparently so cruel, is in itself, beneficent and for our good and, if rightly interpreted, it will guide us to our essential faults.
    Suffering is a corrective to point out a lesson which by other means we have failed to grasp, and never can see it eradicated until that lesson is learnt…..”

    I believe, Ivan, that unless one is a perfect saint, we will have lessons to learn while yet in the flesh. I believe your lessons to be few, and yet, with one so connected to Source as you, I would imagine your sufferings to be indeed beneficial to mankind. As you find your healing space, may we all be uplifted and brought into higher consciousness. Surely your selfless sharing with Poetry Chaikhana is a healing influence on all of us who devour it and surely the love of all your readers will go a long way to assist in your healing. What a beautiful circle!

    Be well my friend and may you be forever wrapped in the arms of the Beloved – the healer, the healed, the One.

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